hi...
jason is online, so now i have a really good reason to smile. he makes me so happy. people think that jsut because i am involved in a long term relationship that, it is a reason not to hang out with me. but that is bullshit. people should be thankful he came along and cleaned my ass up. he has been nothing but a life saver for me. and if people want to snicker and say 'how cheezy' be my guest. you are just too low to appreciate what love, and what the right person can do for you.
everyone needs a girl or guy form of jason. he is wonderful. and i hope you all can appreciate that.

later,
kps

hi!
well i stayed home today. i was so tired, and i decided to sleep instead of going. it was nice minus the mom calling me a loser every five minutes.
sometimes though, i do feel like i am turning into a loser. because i do not talk to people outside of school, i do not associate with people i once called my 'best friends'. maybe i left them, and i was just blaming them for it, because it was easier. but sometimes i see it that way, and then i blame them for it, because i called them quite often, and they never really called me. maybe they didn't like me then, but all i can really say is, if i ever changed back then (which i did for the worse) i am sorry. i am different now. i don't do the stupid shit i did back in the day. i am better. thereapy helped me a lot, although i do not go there anymore, it did help me at the time.
it just sucks that people cannot except me for changing. everyone changes, it is a part of life. and i don't understand where i exactly went wrong. yes, i was very negative, but now, i am not like that. i am better. i try to be nice to everyone, and well it does not help me get anywhere. i guess i am missing out on 'the best years of my life', when in the first place i did not intend to do so.
i miss having friends. i love jason, and he loves me, but he is not holding me back from having friends. i guess i hold myself back from having them, because in my experience friends = hurt. i do not want to be hurt again by anyone. but there is nothing i can do, to rewind myself, and undo all of the retarded things i did in the past. if i could, i would. because that is where my greatest loss happened.
either that or i am jsut not cool enough to associate with people. i know this is not kantner anymore...but for some people it is.
i can really say that being honest, real, outspoken, etc. has just gotten me nowhere, but lonely.
i want to appologize to everyone that i have ever hurt, because i know i fucked up. i can't undo that, but i wish to god i could. bittersweet symphony makes me cry. but i do kindof understand why now. i can relate to that song. but it's more like 'i can change', but then why should i change for you. i want to be me. but why can't people respect that, and like me for me. not because i don't smoke, do drugs, drink, whatever. because all i do that could be considered bad would be smoking, but i plan on quitting by christmas.
smoking was just there, it is harming me, bad. but i just act like i am okay. bravado is the word that best describes me.
if people cannot respect me for who i am, then why does it come off that you all want me to change? or then, why did everyone want me to change. people should learn from the shit i have done, not frown upon it.
doing those dumb thigs i did in the past made me who i am now.
many people i know have a problem with cutting people down because they do not conform to what they want them to do. i say fuck that! people need to learn respect of the person. not because they are a burnout. that does not mean that a person is worthless. it just is a sign, like a cry for help that they are in a rut. they cannot help themselves, but to express how they feel through clothing, attitude, overall apperance, and actions. i hope you all have learned what 'to each his own' really means today, because that is the moral to this entry. please appreciate what i have jsut said, and respect it. that's all i want. please give me a piece of your mind...you all know how to leave comments.

i miss the mtv show : the state...that was such a stellar show. it was almost as good as snl. but it had such good ideas, it was also fucking funny...anyone agree? please tell me! we can protest, or make a petition! i want to see the fucking state again!!!!!!!

yo yo yo! waddup in the hood homies?!?!
so, yeah i am talking to this guy right now, and he won't tell me his name....it's aggrivating. but oh well, to each his own, right? i cannot type for anything, i am tired, and i haven't put my comforter in the dryer yet...fuck! i knew i forgot something. so now i will be up even later! i will be prepared to sleep in school. well i am going to go now...have a nice night!

kp


*cut the mullet is the best song ever!*

hi hi hi!
well i just watched the last 2 seconds of the grammys...i am so happy steely dan won! all of those other people, with the exception of radiohead, suck. :) steely dan has seniority!!!!! hehe
well my life has not changed at all, work, dance, jason. that's it dog! i am a boring person, but that's okay, because that is what makes me, me....
i want to be involved with music somehow...and i don't want to be a musician, i think owning a record store will be sufficent, because i would rather do that, then play music for a living. jason and everyone here is more inmportant than groupies, or whatever. so i will open a record store, and work at eds. when i am going to open this record store, i do not know...but this is what i would have in it.
*all music magazines...yes, even boy band magazines - to each his or her own :)
*every genre of music. alternative, rap, latin, blues, big band, classical, r&b, techno, industrial, rock, classic rock, butt rock, heavy metal, swing, fucking everything okay?!? heheh
*RECORDS
*tapes, cds, dvds, vhs tapes, 8 - tracks, all types of music in every format i can get my hands on...
*stickers, patches, promotional shit, posters, album flats, anything at all, i will have it! :)

that is my record store, all i need is a name, and location - and i will be all set. i am toying wtih the idea of black dog records (note the Led Zeppelin reference) or candyland records, something with records; that has not been used! :) if you have any ideas, let me know!!!

until next time...

kp

'i find myself lost' - j.sparks

Hello again,
i hope everyone had a wonderful valentines day. mine was alright, but i have mad cramps, and i had to work. so that was shitty. :( but at least jason and i had a good day...:) that made me very happy. he picked me up from school, and there was a beautiful bouquet of daisies (favourite flower) on the passengers seat of his truck.
he said that he wanted to have them delivered to me at work, but he thought i would think he was an asshole for not having something for me right away...actually i didn't know it was valentines day until i got a valentine...lol
i love my flowers! i want to go to starbucks tomorrow, anyone want to go with me?! hehehe well nothing really cool happened today. my manager didn't fart for once today! that was good, because man, she's full of farts. and it's so fucking gross!!!!!!!!! lol oh well, it happens to the best of us, or not. :)

kp
(c)

well hello folks,
well, since everyone and their mother reads this now, i guess it is my duty now to write something important.
Jason is over right now, and he looks all cute laying on my bed...awww! :) and we watched the wizard of oz, with pink floyd playing in the background with it. everyone that has not tried that should...it works! :) and i love it
anywho...well, life as usual is pretty boring. i watched all of the features on the wizard of oz dvd, and they are pretty sweet. my dvd player is great. i love the person who invented it! :) they are by far the coooooolest in my book...:)
i smile too dman much in these, and it's like when people smile while they are talking online...i have noticed that it is only because we cannot think of anything to say, really...it is kind of funny how a little thing like a smile can make up for a lack of words...same thing with writing (lol) how stupid is that? laughing out loud...about what? was it that funny?!
Jason is the smartest person i know...he is talking about work. but that's okay, because i talk about work too. he is also clarifying for all ya'll that he was "intellectualizing with my beebs because you are smart" direct quote from the beeb Now he does not want to say anything...:( i am saddened by this...
my mom cannot talk for anything. he communication skills are lacking, hardcore. along with that she is always on me for everything. it does suck, when there are like 2 other people in this house (besides for me and her) that are capable of doing whatever it is that she is dictating to me. that's how she is though...as bob would say "she does it because it is her way". her way of what?! being mean all of the time. well, i guess so. and it does suck.
since they do not have tissue in greenland or whatever, the eskimo ladies have to suck the boogers out of their childrens nose...jason says no, but i think so. his response was...they have seals. okay? how's that for useless knowledge. i seem to not lack in that department...:)
well cinderella was nice...i danced like a freak nasty, and it was fun. word of advice though...DO NOT EAT A THE 9 MILE AND JEFFERSON BIG BOYS, THEY HAVE MOLDY BREAD!!!!!!! Jason ordered a slimmy and the fucking bread was moldy. worst of all...they charged us for it...what assholes! :Z grrrr!
anywho. i am going to go, so have a wonderful evening. :)

~kp
(c)

i got a reply today saying that i never update. i have no time. it sucks. i work, and go to dance. that's it. and the really shitty thing is that i don't have the time to even hang out wtih jason that much. i mean we hang out everyday, but not a lot on the days i work or have dance. but i am sure that i will have some time soon to hang out with him.
so anyways...finals are done, and i am sure i did okay on most of them. the only one i am really worrying about it ms. orsini's psy final. she's a retard, because she does not teach us what is on the final really. well that's it really. when something else happens, i will write about it.

kp

was okay. i was real tired and my eyes were all red when i got up, it really sucked. :( but they are okay now, and i am going to bed soon. that's good for me! i work tomorrow, and that sucks, but i'll live, and besides my job (i work at b. dalton) is not that demanding, i will just do shelving for christmas...wo wo wo!

yeah, well that's it really. i love jason. he's great. it's almost three years. and! we are abstainate (sp) that's great. i'm happy that my relationship does not have to revolve around sex to keep it 'normal' because personally, i think that sex is unnessasary...talking about it is okay, because that is something that needs to be addressed. but i will keep that for next time....:)

till then...

katie (c)

Alright folks it's that time for you know what!?!?!
My rap song about jeff. this will now be a new feature when i actually do shit on this thing! :)

here goes...

fa fa fa fa fa funk funk funk funky baker
oh shit yeah
oh shit yeah
it's cool
it's cool

jeff goes to school
i think he thinks it's cool
word em up wor wor word em' up

oh hell yeah
oh hell yeah

funky baker is his name and makin' funky fresh rhymezzzz is his game
shit yeah mufukka
he rhymezz and he rhymezz
and he drops the fucnky fresh flow of his jiggy coo' styl

ohh fuck yeah
ohh fuck yeah

they call him fa fa fa fa fa fa funky baker
funky baker comin' at yo' ass like a cap mo fo

funky fresh flows comin' from all the bitches and all tha hoes

shit yeah
shit yeah

fa fa fa fa fa fa funky baker is his name
and droppin' tha bass is his game mufukka

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooord!

thank you.

hi hi hi all.
i am in school right now, and well it sucks. but recently nothing happened. i was on homecoming court, and that was okay. i didn't win, but that is okay too! :) well, i'm still with jason, (for all of you nosey people). and that's about it really.
i work at b. daltons and i love it very much, it's fun! but the only drawback is that i can't see jay as much as i would if i still worked at subway. but i think the space is okay, it's not the best, but i'll get by. i love him very much still, but it's like we are together all of the time, and even though the space is small, it is still sad for me to not be around him. i don't know what else to write, thanks for reading.

anyways, yeah...

i haven't written in a week or something. i went to showchoir, turned 17. and i saw scary movie.
"i'm like the wind baby"
my gram is going to die, that sucks.
she's like shutting down slowly, but we are here to be born, procreate, then die. the rest is all just an added bonus.

i think tina's pissed at me. but that's okay, cos we both work, and we are quite busy people now.

there's a few other things that happened. well i want to be on homecoming court, but i don't see that happenening.

i talked to fucking biatch (the name has been changed to protect their identity). But those of you that know me, and know WHO i am talking about...then read on. if not, read on anyways damnit! quite a rare occasion, and a fucked up one at that.

i was nervous as all hell. i was swearing uncontrolably, and shaking too. i just pointed out that we don't talk anymore. and all of the shit she was saying i thought was bs. okay, not being friends with someone because they smoke, and do not go to float parties?

first of all,

i have a JOB. i work a lot, and i do not have time to go to those things. i would like to, but i can't. so that's a gay reason.

second:

smoking. fucking a! i have been smoking since sixth-fucking-grade. okay?!?!?!?!? but is that a real reason for not being someone's friend. alright now, one more thing...i can not smoke around people. i am decent unlike others...you know who you are.......blah on you!!

third:

bad things (know what i am talking about?... a lot of people experiment w/ them. i did, and i learned that they suck, and when you do them you are on a one was trip to loserville u.s.a. and hell. they suck. don't do them. they are fucking gay. i can't express enough what they did to me, and what they can do to you. please im me, if you'd like to know more about how much they fucking suck.

fourth:

marilyn manson. fucking shit!!!!!!! almost everyone (give or take a few) has a stage like that. mine sucked, but i'm over it now. so there! poo on you...fuckheads!!!!

fifth:

different things. WHAT IN GODDESS' NAME IS A DIFFERENT THING. i dig shopping, and the movies (on occasion). okay? need i say more? no. that's what i thought, yo.

alright, enought ranting now. please respond to this, and tell me what you think of the reasons i have listed. tell me that fucking biatch is a retard cos i am a cool fucking person.

I hope you had fucking fun reading this literary massapiece of meat.

""yummy down on this thobbing pole of hot man chicken. and feel free to wiggledunk those purple bulldog cheeks"" bloodhound gang - yummy down on this hahahaha!

have a nice fucking day ok?!?!?!

i love you

i hate you

ahh go to hell

i am you

what???

i am you, bastard!

92 camaro?

yes please

sex

with me? no never!

poop?

already did today

blah?

yup!

superman?

faggot

(i'm just thinking of things, when i think of them...so yeah read on)

wonderwoman.

cool

vickie

sucks

nite

I love hole...they are cool
i am a dork. it's fun being a dork.
because you get like privs and stuff. because you are so trustworthy. well my mom doesn't think so, but she sucks. :) i had a good day today. i did nothing, and i fought with my manager. he's an asshole. and his g/f makes me mad a lot of the time. but oh well i am sure i do the same to her.
i watched bruce lee today. it was really funny. dubbed movies are cool. especially the original godzilla. that's a classic right there.
but the best movie ever is probably...fuck i don't know, well prolly reality bites. it's like the best! and i want to do the same thing, because documentarys are really cool. mine would be about subway. because subway is like a fucked up soap opera. well that's enough for right now, because i prolly made you all want to die. (sorry!) bye bye.

~katie (c)

I got a mean reply to how i feel about love. i think love is cool, and when you are in love you know how wonderful the feeling is.
but when it's over your whole world collapses..and it sucks. but you learn to get over it. well usually. it takes time, but you do get over it sometime.
i am in love right now, with a wonderful person, and he loves me too. so we are happy. and things are great. but when people get mad at me for writing about how i feel about love, well that sucks.
because i am deeply in love with Jason. and that's not going to change.

thanks for reading...:)

bored
boring
boredest...

man, i have nothing better to do. i'm pretty damn lame
i hate the word "lame"
its so "lame"
haha
i'm a retard.
save me!

jenny's like a mom...she yells at me, and beats me..no, she doesn't. but i thought it was funny. cos jenny is cool. but she sucks. no she's cool. i'm fighting with myself.
i should call jason
he's prolly like distressed.
he can wait.
i'm talking to ryan, and maybe i'll finally find out when they are coming here
that picture of homer is cool
i want to meet trini and ryan
i want to get like friends this year...
but i doubt that will happen.
oh well
yeah, i'm done now.
have a good night yo

big pimpin'
lol
homer rules

//end

ViOlet728: homer is cool
PerfectFault: i see that
PerfectFault: lol
ViOlet728: homer rules...lol
PerfectFault: you=sillE gurl
ViOlet728: no
PerfectFault: yes
ViOlet728: i know..hehe
PerfectFault: kick ass
ViOlet728: but that pic of homer is so oooooooo funny
PerfectFault: yeah it is
ViOlet728: i look at it and think...DOH!
PerfectFault: lol
ViOlet728: DOH!
ViOlet728: lol i'm gay.
ViOlet728: no, i am not.
PerfectFault: you are so cute
ViOlet728: i'm in love with jason.
ViOlet728: so i am gay.
PerfectFault: lol
ViOlet728: i'm gay gay gay...
ViOlet728: i love men!
ViOlet728: especially homer.
PerfectFault: LOL
ViOlet728: no, i don't love homer
PerfectFault: I LOVE GUYS
ViOlet728: he's just cool. and he's funny
ViOlet728: i love JASON!
ViOlet728: jason rules.

i am retarded, and people like to talk to me. i'm cool. mike is a really funny person. :)

Well, I didn't work today, so I slept until like 1:30...but during my sleepy time every fucking person IN THE ENTIRE WORLD CALLED. And, to top everything off I was asked to work for this girl at my work because she was sick. I said no, and I felt bad, but oh well I had shit I had to do!
Ah, well it was a good day of slackage...
I really suck, I write about the most uneventful things...well anyways, I hope I didn't bore you too much.
I love Jason. He's so wonderful. Love is so nice. Especially, when everything is always wonderful, no matter what. We may have our arguements, but that's okay, because that is what makes the relationship real. In order to maintain a good relationship, you need to argue. That helps a lot. That may sound really fucked up, but it's true. Fighting is a small thing that helps you get things straight, it also helps you express your feelings although your partner might not agree. But that's what I think about fighting.
But...love is a kickass feeling. It makes me HAPPY! hehehe...:)
Alright children, it's time for me to bounce. Have a nice day/night.

REASONS TO BE BEAUTIFUL/HOLE
Love hangs herself
With the bedsheets in her cell
Threw myself on fires for you
10 good reasons to stay alive
10 good reasons I can't find
Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful
So sick in his body, so sick in his soul
Oh, give me one reason to be beautiful
Oh, and everything I am
Love hates you
I live my life in ruins for you
And for all your secrets kept
I squashed the blossom and the blossom's dead
Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful
So sick in his body, so sick in his soul
Oh, and I will make myself so beautiful
Oh, and everything I am
Miles and miles of perfect skin
I swear I do, I fit right in
My love burns through everything
I cannot breathe
Miles and miles of perfect sin
I swear I said, I fit right in
I fit right in your perfect skin
I cannot breathe
Hey baby take it all the way..down
Hey, baby, take me away
Oh, you were born
So pretty oh summerbabe
We'll never know..
And fading like a rose
Give me a reason to be beautiful
So sick in his body, so sick in his soul
I'll give you my body, just sell me your soul
Oh, and everything I am will be bought and sold
Oh, and everything I am will turn hard and cold
And they say in the end
You'll get bitter just like them
And they steal your heart away
When the fire goes out you better learn to fake
It's better to rise than fade away
Hey you were right
Named a star for your eyes
Did you freeze, did you sleep
Turn to gold, baby, sleep
Hey honey mine
I was there all the time
And I weep at your feet
And it rains and rains

Well, today was really fucking retarded. I worked, and that sucked cos I am raggin' and i have really bad cramps. but then i got better. but THEN, i talked to Derek..(right now he sucks!)and he told me that Jason was mad at me, and that sucked. you know it always happens when my day is going well, something or someone has to fuck it up! well anyways, i cried in the bathroom at work, because right now i am very sensitive...
so then i talked to jason, and it was all happy happy after that. :) finally.
after work i slept, and jason came over...then we went online, and that was it.
after that, we went to rob's house, and watced dogma. that movie really fucking rocks!!! :)
alright well, this is a really gay entry, but that's okay, because i am tired, and i can't think.
yay! i just bored everyone!!!!!!! :)
have a nice night kids.

~*it's better to rise than to fade away